


Five Times Poe Dameron Didn't Cry Over Ben Organa (and the One Time He Did)

by ktula



Series: Come As You Are [2]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: All aboard the Feels train, M/M, Phone Calls & Telephones, Poe-centric, Suicide Attempt, one-sided conversations
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-19
Updated: 2017-07-19
Packaged: 2018-12-04 00:57:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 846
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11544093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ktula/pseuds/ktula
Summary: Exactly what it says on the tin.This fic is set pre-Foxtrot.It's not a happy fic.





	Five Times Poe Dameron Didn't Cry Over Ben Organa (and the One Time He Did)

**Author's Note:**

> Please heed the tags.

**Five Times Poe Dameron Didn’t Cry Over Ben Organa …**

**I.**

“What do you mean, I’m distracting—no, Ben, slow down. Slow down, buddy. No, I understand. No, I don’t—look, I understand you’re upset, but I don’t understand what you’re trying to tell me. What am I distracting you from?

“Okay, okay. I can … I can change, though. I can—be around less, or I can move back into my own bedroom, or—

“Look, I’ll cut your rent down to nothing. You can quit your job, you can focus on your training, Snoke can’t be upset with that, not if you’re—

“I love you, okay? I love you, and Snoke is a prick, and— _god fucking dammit, Ben Organa, don’t you hang up on me_ —”

 

**II.**

“Look, why are you—yes, okay? Yes, I was startled when I saw you today. Yes, it threw me for a loop. But it’s none of my goddamn business, and you told me it was none of my business, and Ben—

“Okay, _Kylo_ , fine. Kylo. I didn’t think I was going to see you today, or ever, and then you were just—and your hair just—

“You literally told me two months ago that you’d never cut it. You literally—

“Yes. Fine. People change. This is just—this is a bad situation for you, Be—Kylo. This is a bad—

“Fine.”

 

**III.**

“No, Leia, I haven’t talked to him. No, I’m sorry, I don’t know where he is right now, but I’ve got his address—no, ma’am, he hasn’t lived with me in, uh, it’s … been a while. They’ve got, uh, dorms or something, at the Knights building, so he doesn’t—yeah, he doesn’t need a place outside of that.

“Yes, I check on him periodically. Uh, no, not to the shows. I, uh, subscribe to the content so I can watch everything, yeah. Yeah, it’s a lot. He’s performing a lot.

“It’s, uh, yeah, it’s more performance art stuff than what it used to be. I don’t know if Snoke ever really—yeah, with the sideshow, and—yeah. I don’t know, though. I’m just guessing.

“Uh. I don’t … I don’t know if he’s happy.”

 

**IV.**

“Hey, Kylo. I know it’s weird to just show up like this, and, uh—I haven’t heard from you in a while, and I thought the whole point of you moving back was—uh, anyway, I’m just gonna … I’m just gonna come in cuz your door’s open, and then you can yell at me, and then I’m going to leave again. I know I shouldn’t, but that message was fucking weird, and you—you can just yell at me or whatever. But I’m coming in. I’m coming in, Kylo.

“Kylo? Kylo, fuck, there’s water all over your floor, there’s water and—

“Oh fuck.

“Kylo—oh fuck, oh fuck, Kylo, Kylo, lemme—oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck—

“BB, call emerg, you gotta—

“—hi, yeah, I need you to send an ambulance right away, yeah, that’s the correct location—no, he’s still breathing but it’s shallow and his pulse is all gone to shit and he’s not conscious and there’s blood, there’s just so much—

“—yeah, I’ll stay on the line, I’ll stay on the—just send somebody quick, you gotta send somebody—

“Hey, buddy, Kylo, please, for fuck’s sake … buddy, I gotcha, I gotcha, I just need you to hang in there for a minute, buddy, please, Kylo, just—just fucking hang in there for me, please …”

 

**V.**

“Hi, Leia, it’s Poe. Yes, ma’am. No, it’s about Kylo. He’s okay, I promise he’s okay, but things got bad for a bit there, and he’s at the hospital.

“No, he doesn’t want you to visit. He doesn’t want anybody to visit. No, he doesn’t need anything sent over. I’ll come over later, and we can talk, or I’ll meet you in the lobby or something, but—no, he’s sleeping right now, I’m just standing outside the door.

“Yeah, I can see him from here. Yeah, he’s breathing. He’s okay, Leia. He’s okay. He’s okay.”

 

**And the One Time He Did …**

**I.**

_Hey bu—uh, Poe. Hey Poe. It’s, uh. It’s Ben. Ben. I was, uh. Shit. I hope I’m not calling at a bad time. It’s, uh, ten am. Sorry if you’re, uh, sleeping. Or if you don’t wanna talk. I was just. I was just wondering if. Maybe._

_And I get it if you don’t want to, you can tell me to fuck off, it’s cool, I deserve it, I know. But I was just, uh, going to the gym, and I was wondering if you wanted to come? With me? Like, you know, like before. I’m, uh, not supposed to be lifting anything heavy, so it’s probably just gonna be cardio and soup cans. It’s gonna be real boring, you probably don’t wanna come, but, uh, if you did want to come, I’ll, uh, I’ll be there at two. If you wanted._

_You don’t have to. But … fuck. It’d be nice if you did, Poe. I, uh, I miss you. Yeah. Uh. Bye._

**Author's Note:**

> If you are in crisis, here is a list of [places that you can call, organized by country.](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines)
> 
> Here is an online chat program that you can contact to chat to someone: [ I'm Alive.](https://www.imalive.org/)
> 
> I'm on [Tumblr.](https://wtf-ktula.tumblr.com/)
> 
> <3


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